Truth is, I tend to doubt myself a little too much. I feel like I’m incapable of achieving my goals and that I will do fail at some point.. I don’t feel much anymore about it cause it’s like I’ve accepted it already. I sometimes look at myself in the mirror and see a different person feeling nothing. No, I am not depressed. I am just not myself right now. It has been months since I’ve been this way. My mood shifts most of the time, from being fine to being just quite. Sometimes it does wreck the whole mood when I’m with my friends that it must be the reason why I turned to this socially awkward girl. I’ve been suppressing a lot of feelings to the point that I less appreciate emotions now. I don’t even cry anymore.
I guess the greatest realization I have now is that, I was more of the positive side ever since. Although I am numb now, I can say that all the smiles and laughter I have are still raw and there’s no way I am letting it go. I will do whatever it takes to have my heart beat for the things it wants to achieve.
I am done with being off.
From now on, things will be different.
I know I may have lost some parts of me, But I will gain them back. It might not be easy, But I will have my trust back to myself again. I will love all this negativity and turn them into my motivations. I guess we all have our moments and this is mine but it has to stop now. I know it won’t be an easy road to achieve what I want in life but I will find all the right motivations that I could and I will cry all the pain away if I had to.
I just need to be stronger.
ان شا الله